when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Alive.
So much puke
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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