I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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