So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
