Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
