I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
my liver is dry heaving
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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