I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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