I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Randomize
