Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
