your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Your face is a jimmy john
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
