carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
