Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
