I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
