you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
