Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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