wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
