When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
bring money and cleavage
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
