we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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