he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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