My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
one two three fourrrrnication!
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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