My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
