There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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