just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
