Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
