Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
