I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
