Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
