PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
