does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
