Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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