I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
