My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
