Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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