I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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