We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Randomize
