Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
