Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
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