Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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