totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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