he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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