some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
