ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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