So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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