I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
