You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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