there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
