It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
