i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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