I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
