I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
