I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
