super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
It's never too late to be topless.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
