I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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