I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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