there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
