Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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