just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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