Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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