I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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